I love being a big sister. I love helping my younger siblings, spending time with them, and seeing them grow from little kids into teenagers and now young adults. Still, sibling rivalry comes up from time to time.
I mainly feel it with my brother who's only 2 years younger than me. I've been used to reaching all the milestones first - getting a driver's license, graduating high school, going to college, that sort of thing. But now we're entering into a space where your age doesn't really define when you'll reach the milestones like graduating college, getting married, landing a "real" job and it makes me feel threatened to be honest. I don't know how to handle not being first.
I also feel a bit threatened by our dreams and post university plans. I'm planning on being a high school Spanish teacher within a 2-3 hour drive from where my parents live. I want to live a quiet life like that and I know I wouldn't be happy moving hours and hours away from home or with a fast paced, super competitive job. I want to help kids grow and become the adults I know they can be.
My brother on the other hand is dreaming of animating movies for a major movie company like Pixar or Dreamworks. With that he's obviously planning on moving to a major city and creating tangible things he can show people to prove his work is good. I won't have anything more than 60% of my kids passing our last exam with a B or higher.
Basically, I'm worried about not being as impressive as him. I feel like if I'm not more impressive and not hitting those big milestones first, I won't be the big sister and my family won't love me or be proud of me anymore. I know that seems really silly and petty, but it's really how I feel.
The problem with this - aside from revealing some insecurities - is that it causes me to get a bit defensive and unable to celebrate moments with him and the rest of the family. If he shows us a video he made for a class, my mom goes crazy and is super proud of it so I feel like I can't be too excited cause I'm worried she'll be more proud of him or love him more because he can do such cool things. Or I can't be as happy for him and his friends getting these cool opportunities because I'm worried I'll just become the boring oldest child since me and all my friends are planning on having normal lives with jobs like teaching or social work. Again, I know this is super childish and petty, but I just can't help but feel that way.
Do you get competitive with your siblings? Do you worry about not being as good as your siblings?
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